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Five Ways to Improve your Money Mindset after Divorce
Like many of us, your finances probably took a major hit after your divorce. Your ex may have experienced an increase in his standard of living, while you may have been forced into cheaper housing perhaps in a less desirable neighborhood. I am certainly in no position to offer financial advice, but I was able to change my money mindset after divorce with these minor tweaks that made a major difference.
Snow and Ice Metaphors from a Chicago Divorce Coach
Coaches speak in metaphor and living in Chicago as a divorce coach, I have gathered my fair share of snow and ice related metaphors. It is fascinating just how many ways they can be applied to help you through your divorce. In this post, I outline my top two and provide ways that they can help you understand feelings of overwhelm and anger during your divorce.
How do you know when your marriage is over?
The hardest question you may ever be faced with is “Should I stay or should I go?” If you have been unhappy for a long time, deciding whether your marriage is over may be the most difficult decision you ever make. But what becomes even more toxic is the time you spend in limbo. At a certain point there are diminishing returns on the time and energy it takes to decide whether you are packing your bags or planning for retirement together. These questions will help you gain clarity on whether your marriage is over whether another try may be worthwhile.
A Divorce Coach is the Doula of your Divorce
The idea of a divorce coach is often met with the same wary suspicion that I had of doulas prior to having children. “I have my lawyer, I have my therapist, why a coach?” The confusion is understandable, I mean why would you pay for yet another professional during an already very costly process? But, much like my finally caving and hiring a doula, if you are interested in saving time, angst and years off your life, the real question becomes, how can you afford not to hire a divorce coach?
7 Golden Rules that Minimize the Effects of Divorce on Children
Here are the seven most broadly accepted truths when it comes to helping children adjust to the negative effects of divorce, along with explanations from lifespan development theorists as to why these are critical. Some of this is old news, some may be new to you. Each one of these is a challenge unto themselves, but effective parenting - even if it's only you - can be the overriding factor in making or breaking your child's adjustment
Eight Survival Tips for Living Together while Divorcing
Soon to be exes living under the same roof while a divorce is divorce is no picnic for the parties, much less any children involved. Uncomfortable at best, torture at worst, some common questions one may ask are “How on earth do we coexist under potentially hostile and awkward conditions?” “What if I do my part and he/she is still disrespectful/obstructive and in denial?”, “How do we not let this disrupt the kids?” While the imagery of a butterfly growing and developing whilst trapped in a chrysalis, comes to mind, I recognize that living under the same roof as your soon-to-be ex may not be quite so lovely. Here are eight survival tips to get you through this time until you are free to fly.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce
The emotional turmoil of divorce, characterized by depths of despair one day and euphoric highs the next, can aptly be compared to a rollercoaster. While some may enjoy living on the edge, I certainly did not appreciate the unpredictable twists and turns that came at breakneck speed during my own divorce. As I stood in line waiting with sweaty palms and a racing heart, I prepared myself for an unforgettable ride, but not in the way I would like. Here are the stages I encountered and lessons I learned along the way.
Should I Keep the Home in the Divorce?
Whether or not to keep the house in your divorce is a sensitive decision and understandably so, of all assets to a couple's name, the marital home usually holds the most financial and sentimental value. There are three major areas of consideration when deciding what to do with your house during a divorce. The largest, and most obvious is the financial, but there are also practical and emotional components to think about as you weigh your options.
Ten Tips For A Peaceful Divorce
Ten helpful tips to keep your divorce peaceful even if you are dealing with a high-conflict or narcissistic spouse. You may not achieve the perfect “conscious uncoupling” but you may just save some sanity and real money in legal bills.
Five Lies You’ll Read About Divorce When You Google It
When it comes to divorce, there are plenty of antiquated myths out there that ought to be debunked or, at the very least, reevaluated. Here are five of the most common lies about divorce I have come across - and the truth all of us should know, whether you’re navigating your own divorce or supporting a loved one going through the process.
An A-Ha Parenting Moment on National Single Parent Day
March 21 is National Single Parent Day. A parenting tip for connection that got me through the mom guilt of divorce
Top Four Reasons People Cry Themselves to Sleep During Divorce…and Helpful Antidotes to Each
The top four frustrations people lose sleep over during divorce, as well as helpful antidotes and strategies to cope with each. If you had to poll a family law attorney, my bet is their list would look similar. With any luck these bring comfort knowing that you are not alone and there is no need to cry yourself to sleep during a divorce
Divorce Trapped Me, But I Have an Exit Strategy
Every divorced person I have encountered has a story with underlying tones of feeling fleeced, cheated or trapped. I fall into the latter and have dug deep for peace using these steps. My formula ignores the obvious, which is the fact that for many, divorce can bring profound freedom. Emotional freedom or perhaps even freedom from abuse, addiction or adultery. Don’t give any more energy to what you cannot change or control. Be open to the possibility that this situation could actually give you wings to fly.
Building Tolerance for Uncertainty During Divorce
Fear of the unknown during a divorce is like being in a cave of inky darkness. Having experienced the breathtaking worry of not knowing where I will be living, how I will make a living and where my children will be on which night of the week, I am able to validate and relate to anyone dealing with this. Here are some pointers to cope with uncertainty and instability during divorce and beyond.
How do I know I am ready to forgive?
Forgiveness, at the end of the day, is less about them and more about setting you free, about releasing your spirit. Forgiveness does not equal condoning behavior. Here are five signs that indicate you are ready to forgive, or perhaps have already forgiven, your ex-spouse or the circumstances that led to your divorce
A Divorced Parent’s Guide to the Holiday Blues
This time of year can be difficult for the general population with increased financial and family stressors, as well as societal pressure around what should be the most “wonderful time of the year.” This is especially true for divorced parents when the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s means sharing children and splitting holidays with an ex-spouse. Here are some suggestions for warding off, or at least reducing holiday loneliness.
Be-Do-Have Coparenting
“Who do I need to be? As that person, what would I need to do in order to have happiness?” It helps even more, to find a role model, someone that seems to have a great relationship with their ex-spouse where the child/ren are at the center, not in the middle. I have the perfect example that comes to mind…. During COVID when salons were closed my friend’s ex, learnt how to adjust her extensions and reapply them for her.
Finding Gratitude in Divorce
It was the ancient Greeks that said, “an unexamined life is not worth living.” If you take the time to truly examine the impact on your life of divorce or other challenges, you may just be amazed at what you overturn. I, for one, am going into this season of Thanksgiving with immense gratitude for my divorce and a second chance at a life worth living. Here are some prompts to help you get there too
Do You Have a Happy Place?
My suitcase is packed, ready to return to my girls refreshed, and with all kinds of goodness to inspire the mental journey to my happy place. Let’s face it, with the challenges of single parenting, coparenting and navigating the realities of divorce, I will be drawing on this useful cognitive tool a lot.
Five Reasons a COVID Divorce Was the Best Kind of Divorce
The ending of my marriage, my divorce and its aftermath synched up perfectly with the timing of COVID. An oddly named virus gained increasing media attention at the exact point I was forced to admit my marriage had reached a point of no return.