Five Ways to Improve your Money Mindset after Divorce
Financial security is by far the biggest concern facing women after a divorce, and for good reason. Mother led households typically experience a significant drop in income, with nearly 30 percent of divorced mothers with young children living in poverty and even more considered low-income. Meager, or non-existent child support, the gender pay gap, and inadequate social support all contribute to dismal finances after divorce. Single mothers are nothing short of heroic when you consider the many balls they juggle, yet so many of them are struggling to make ends meet.
Let’s hope that you do not fall into one of these categories but, like many of us, your finances probably took a major hit after your divorce. Your ex may have experienced an increase in his standard of living, while you may have been forced into cheaper housing perhaps in a less desirable neighborhood. I am certainly in no position to offer financial advice, but I was able to change my money mindset after divorce with these minor tweaks that made a major difference.
Check your money mindset
What is money, really? We attach rules, beliefs and thoughts about money based on our childhood conditioning and lifetime experience. But at the end of the day, money is simply a unit of measurement used in the act of giving and receiving. In other words, money is a neutral exchange of energy, that is why the flow of money is called “currency.” Money flows in, and money flows out. Most of us, myself included, have a scarcity mindset and are hypervigilant about the outgoing current, especially when paying those huge legal fees. Those of you that are financially savvy or more confident about money, may adopt an abundance mindset and focus on the incoming current.
Focus on the incoming current
So, you can choose to focus on money going out the door, or you can shift your focus to all the little ways money could be coming in. Did you get a tax refund? Did someone give you a gift? Did you get an opportunity for some contract work? The more you program your mind to focus on incoming money, the more you find avenues to receive money. This has helped me tremendously in managing my finances after divorce. The minute I adopted this mindset, I was able to find an affordable townhome for my daughters and I in a great community within close proximity to school. I stopped being paralyzed with anxiety by the exorbitant rent I was paying and problem solved my way into an even better situation. The rent savings between my old and new place is a form of money coming in - or at least staying in.
Show gratitude
Picture this. Two kids walk into a bakery where the baker is handing out free cookies. The children eagerly eat the cookies and they each want another. One child looks expectantly at the baker and says “I want another one,” while the other child holds his hands out open as if to gesture for another and says “thank you.” Who is the baker more likely to dole out a second free cookie to? Obviously the child with hands held uplifted in gratitude. I suggest you do the same with the money you receive, paid or otherwise. The word “appreciation” means to ‘recognize full worth’ and that is exactly what your bank balance does when you feel grateful for the number in there, however small it may be. Your finances after divorce have taken a hit, but when you are able to appreciate what you do have, they may look a little more appealing and God, or the Universe, may just reward you with a giant cookie.
Date money
If I have not got your attention to this point, I am sure I will now! I heard this advice from a money coach recently and while it sounded as out there as it comes, I really resonated with the point she made. So many of us hate the general concept of money, whether that be talking about it, understanding it, or managing it. We bury our head in the sand hoping that our wealth, or lack thereof, will take care of itself. But it's important that we are able to face money, especially as you transition from a two to a one income household. What if you could set a weekly date with your money and spend the time getting very familiar with your accounts, watching a YouTube video on how to build a budget, researching credit cards that make sense for your lifestyle, or any other money related question you have? Make it fun with a cup of tea, a cocktail and/or your favorite music, anything to make the experience enticing and something you come to look forward to. The idea is the more we immerse ourselves in topics around money, the more comfortable we become with it. Over time, this confidence will translate into finding more ways to improve your finances after divorce.
Consider your bills blessings
Who loves getting enormous bills from your divorce attorney? For many of us, these bills are up there with rent, a mortgage, student loans etc. But what if the knot in your stomach upon opening a bill could feel lighter? I once heard an amazing quote, “bills are invoices for blessings already received.” As pollyannaish as this may sound, it’s a great reminder that we are paying for value in the form of goods and services that many people don’t have access to. Using your divorce attorney as an example, this is someone with years of education and experience representing your rights with the intention of giving you and your children the best possible outcome after your divorce. When you look at it that way, their services are priceless! The same mentality can be applied to all the bills you have stacking up.
These few mindset hacks by no means claim to solve the complicated systemic factors that led to the feminization of poverty or the challenges facing single mother households. But in the microcosm of your personal situation, changing your money mindset after divorce can help you go from “I can’t afford it!” to “How can I afford it?” Programming our brain to become more comfortable talking about money, whether that be learning the basics for the first time in your life or embarking on sophisticated investment endeavors, changing your money mindset will go a long way in improving your financial situation after a divorce.
