What Does a Divorce Coach Do and Why Do I Need One?
I was speaking to an attorney about my business this past week and was caught off guard when, in an attempt to be perfectly transparent she said, "My clients see coaching as a luxury during a time when they are already financially stretched." The truth is, self-care can be a tough sell during divorce, when you are barely able to keep yourself afloat in every other aspect of life. But coaching, particularly during divorce, is anything but superfluous (NOT to say self-care is either!) and rather specialized support to help you get from where you are now to where you want to be as you navigate closing one chapter and starting another. In fact, I would go so far as to say that engaging a good coach can save you time, money and unnecessary stress in the long run by dealing with the emotional fallout of divorce at a much lower hourly rate than a lawyer.
A coach is another valuable advocate in your corner, ideally collaborating with your attorney and therapist to reach a favorable outcome for you and the entire family. Specifically, here is how a coach can help you during all stages of divorce:
you are so fearful about your future that you can't decide whether to stay or go
you are dealing with a high-conflict or narcissistic ex/soon-to-be-ex
you are unfamiliar with the legal process and need someone to hold your hand through it
you are not thinking clearly which makes decision making difficult during a time when clarity is essential
you need support with organization and the practical aspects of divorce like moving out, living alone and managing finances
you are struggling to adjust to a parenting plan
you want to be the best possible parent to your children and therefore need to optimize communication with their other parent
you have no idea who you are anymore having been a spouse and parent for so long, particularly one that was often embroiled in conflict
you are ready to move on and set goals for a better future
I have personally faced all these heavy fears and feelings and good coaching changed my life. Coaching really gets to the root of a client's mindset so that they are able to get the best possible results in their life - what better time to have this type of support than during a divorce or it's aftermath?
I would like to briefly touch on the differences between coaching, therapy and consulting.
What is the difference between coaching and therapy?
Most therapeutic techniques are designed to support individuals that are experiencing significant emotional distress leaving them in a state of dysfunction e.g. suicidal thoughts, trauma and addiction. Coaching, on the other hand, is designed to support individuals who are looking to reach an optimal state of success. Another difference is that while psychotherapy focuses on the impact of the past (often childhood) on the present, coaching focuses on the present and future. Coaching builds on a person’s strengths, values and goals, to provide or increase meaning and purpose in their life. This doesn’t mean coaches aren’t able to do deep, inner work with their clients. Certified coaches are capable of supporting clients who struggle with anxiety, stress and other challenging emotions. Coaching helps break barriers holding someone back to living their potential and, in my practice this equates to being stuck in a toxic, abusive or unfulfilling marriage or struggling to move on after divorce.
What is the difference between coaching and consulting?
A consultant is a professional who gives you the answers and lays out a plan that details what to do and how to do it. Coaches don’t tell a client what to do but rather uses the coaching process to empower the client to uncover their own solutions. Coaches seek to discover the best path for the client given their unique values and strengths. The source of wisdom in a consulting relationship comes from the consultant’s brain; the source of wisdom in a coaching relationship comes from the coaches brain. In my practice I coach the client and consult the problem with solutions and a roadmap forward to the best possible outcome for you and your family.
